i had this moment of losing myself in my own thought today. probably also because i read that freakishly long article on staying married for long.

here i am. past midnight. jobless. clueless. bujang as ever.
i wonder what will be on my mind a year from now. kalau Allah panjangkan umur la. haha.

it's almost 7 years now. man.. it never crossed my mind that i'd be in a relationship for this long. i never thought i have such loyalty hahaha. 7 years. 7 freaking years. you know what happened since we met? all my nieces and nephews were born. dari nombor 1 sampai 7. aik sama 7 jugak??). i finished foundation studies. i continue my degree. i graduated. i got a job. i resigned. i had time off. i travelled to a few places. i got fat with still no sign of losing them fats. well ym cease to exist. haha. and so, so, so much more i can't even think.

you know what's the significant thing happened? we both change. over time. it's inevitable and hard to look past it when you've been with someone for years. well. just this and that. characters. habits. hobbies. but responsibility hasn't been added though. i don't know what will happen then.

i don't know whether we'll end up married or as strangers (or strangely married? hahaha). of course, hope and prayers for the former and definitely not the latter. i've never got out of relationship. so, at 26 and had to go through it.. well.. it's kind of hard isn't it? things are fine as it is anyway. plus, siapa la nakkan saya ni. haha.

i have no point of writing this post out. man... that article sucks.

i'll be hitting 8 months. and no sign of going anywhere soon. but God i'm so thankful for these carefree moments He has blessed me with.

kadang aku terduduk di antara syukur dan gelisah. 8 bulan lepas aku yakin seyakinnya aku dah pilih jalan masuk yang baru. tapi semalaman yang pendek, perbualan yang terlewat dan sebuah kerinduan terubat buat aku goyah. tak sangka hanya sebuah perbualan ringan mampu menggoyahkan apa yang aku yakin betul. mungkin jentikan lembut dari Tuhan."bergantunglah dengan Tuhan. bukan manusia. manusia tu termasuk kau lah."

mungkin.

bahagian syukur,
untuk doa-doa yang termakbul,
untuk nikmat-nikmat yang tak terminta,
haadza min fadhli robbi.

bahagian gelisah,
untuk masa depan yang samar,
untuk rezeki yang mendatang,
innalillahiwainnailaihirroji'un.

harapan demi harapan pergi meninggalkan aku yang lali.
mungkin Tuhan menguji,
mana Dia di hati.



lama tak buat post-post macam ni. i'm getting my sense back. heheh.