jadi, dengan izin Allah, aku teruskan jugak. separuh berat jugak hati aku ni.
aku tawakkal je ni. if it's not okay now, i believe it will be, someday later.

awkward, weird, out of place, oh you just name it. just so very little part of me wished i've proceed with the old place but i believe Allah is the best of planners. and really He is the best of planners. bumped into kakak-kakak from old place and happily, wait...i excitedly catch up with them. it was very quick. which then remind me again of why i decided not to stay. and now, thinking of it again, the emotion part was probably just so happen at the right time. had it not been for the emotion i had at that time, i probably would be going home at 5 everyday now. and probably for the next 5 years.

i'm still acting bimbo with everyone. so very very veryyyy quiet. making everyone else feel shy to talk to me. haha. biarkannnn. thinking of it again, i've been smelling some funny stuff since day one. not really sure what. don't care since it's none of my business.

tawakkal. tawakkal.

aku tak tau nak cerita macam mana kebelah bagian hati aku sekarang. hanya Allah yang tahu macam mana beratnya hati aku bila tengok reaksi mak hari tu. dah berbulan aku fikir aku dah bersedia. tak sangka pulak aku macam ini yang akan terjadi.

entahlah. yang kita mintak dah dapat. bila dah dapat, nak lepaskan pulak. aku banyak kali je tengok orang dalam situasi macam ni. dah kena batang hidung kepala sendiri baru faham. mintak apa yang perlu, bukan semestinya yang kita nak. tapi takpe. aku yakin hikmahnya akan terbuka suatu masa nanti. semacam mana hikmah-hikmah dari perkara lalu yang membawa kepada hikmah yang masih dirahsiakan kali ni.

semoga Allah tetapkan hati aku selagimana kebaikan adalah untuk aku, agama aku serta keluarga aku, terutama mak dgn abah. dan semoga Allah pinjamkan kesabaran dan kekuatan untuk aku yang lemah ni untuk melihat hikmah manis untuk kali ni.

semalam sleepover dengan my girlsssss. dah lama rasanya tak tidur malam dengan kawan-kawan. haha.
bilik kawan aku semalam mengingatkan aku pada first dan momen-momen pillow talk sebelum selepas tutup lampu tiap-tiap malam.
semoga Allah rahmati roomate2 saya.
rindu semuanya 37484647574583%

zaman tepung, telur, tasik, kek, air coke dah berlalu. hahaha.
kini hanya tinggal sambutan penuh doa dan ketenangan.

as i grow up, i learned more about myself. or perhaps i'm changing. i mean, i used to go crazy over suju and dbsk, like seriously crazy. thankfully God has opened my eyes to see how those qualities were just in my fantasy. like oh my God i was so delusional mannnn. i pray Allah will open the girls heart who were still blinded with those so called attractive kpop guys to realized what i realized awhile back.

someone i know just got out of relationship. it wasn't really hard for her since she wanted it. she made an exit when she realized that she just wanted to be single. probably missed getting hit (well she's quite attractive i must say). or she just got bored and thought that the years together were just ... friends.

so i was watching an episode of about a boy when Will met the beauty with brain.

i just realized that i've never tried jumping into the single-dating pool. you know.. the process of hitting and getting hit, getting to know each other and decide whether or not to keep in dating. part of me was having this thought of following my friend's footstep.. well don't blame me. it was just out of curiosity.

but then there's also another part of me thought that it wouldn't make sense. even if i took an exit for the sake of filling my curiosity, i don't think i'd be jumping into the pool. at least not for a while. i'm all for serious relationship and no hanky panky or whatsoever. plus, as of now, i'm grateful and contented with all that i have. even when i was in high school, while those with phones were busy texting the opposite sex, i on the other hand were busy enjoying my time with my girl friends. never even thought or wanted a boy-girl relationship. i mean it was quite good cause i've always thought that if i were to get in a relationship in high school, it'd merely be just for fun.

but still, only God knows who's the best person to be our soulmate. whether or not partner would be the one God decided for me, i'd just be grateful. for He knows what's best for us.

you tak payah la try try I kalau you tak serious. cari girl lain yang nak main-main macam you jugak. ecehhh! :p