brothers and sisters crying for help, shared posts in facebook, comments wishing for the best thing to happen supported by ayat for quran and hadiths.

i know they pattern seems right. i still think we are missing the point.

i'd say, we are weak. we are weak not because we were born that way but truly, we live in denial. we deny our right that we can be strong. we deny that the fact is, things should start small and insya Allah it'll grow. earlier today i read an article in suhaibwebb.com which really jot down my thought. from my very little observation, i see that people are slowly starting to turn back to the root, Islam. both in east and west side. it's kind of look different but similar. in the west, the number of Muslims are growing while here in east side, a lot of us are searching four our soul. the real one. not just the one we thought we are. how did this happen? wallahu'alam. i'd like to think that our parents, grandparents, great great grandparents and the upper great people prayed for this to happen and Allah has grant their wishes. may Allah bless their soul and place them amongst the believers.

so yeah. i'm struggling to build a strong defense system. it comprises of knowledge. because the first ayat is " 'Iqra " . knowledge must've been really sacred that it become the first ayat. may Allah show grant me knowledge that will benefit me and ummah. may Allah make me realize and protect me from knowledge that will keep me away from Him.

we are hungry for knowledge. brace it.

i'm mentally hungry.
i eat knowledge.
through eyes, mind and heart.

.of Maghrib and heading home.

here's the thing.
i turned on the laptop cause i've the urge to rant about growing old, maturity, my parents and being the youngest. i've so much rage i could explode someday.
then i thought, i should scroll twitter before i start. turned out i've finished scrolling facebook too!

and now my rage has gone. actually, it isn't gone. it just happen to be hibernating again.

i don't know when will i be able to write it down. i've been meaning to do it for quite some time (meaning that i've kept it well. fuhh). this is puberty all over again. except that it's the transition stage to adulthood.

i realized i'm actually going to finish my course soon (insya Allah). i also realized that mak and abah are both getting old. like really old. while i'm entering adulthood, they're heading to my grandma's current phase. realizing this is hard, accepting it is even harder. but i know i've to. it is a fact. although many are making quotes about maturity and age aren't moving concurrently, i've realized they're proving the irony. which the irony isn't an irony cause it is the reality they're running from.

which brings me to the lesson i've learned today.
stop trying to do the irony. it will happen when it will.

i came across an astro first ad showing a movie called "Miracle In Cell No. 7". looks like a funny movie. so i searched the link to watch it.

i was comically struck by lightning after the first quarter of the movie. *sniff sniff*

anyway, it was  a good one. didn't thought it brought up heavy message when i first saw the trailer. like i said, it looks funny. i however found a review saying the movie was a mix of humor and tragedy. didn't know the tragedy is really a tragedy :3 . a few questionable stuff like how about Yesung's mother, the hot air ballon scene (which contains the most irrelevant facts. but it's okay) and a few others.

if you stumble upon this blog while searching about the movie, and you love to watch deep movie presented lightly, i'd recommend it for you.

of people with power oppressing and manipulating others they like, effect of weak legal system and such.

i've just read about miley cyrus and amanda bynes. poor girls :(
may Allah guide them to His path.

Palestinian, Syrian, Egyptian and other countries with majority of practicing Muslims are fighting to keep on living as Muslims.
we are striving to be better Muslims.

we all are fighting. you're not alone.

growing up in a comfortable home, abah always tells me how hard he lived his life. his childhood in poverty, his vision to improve his life and helps people he knows. i remember when i was among the 30s of almost 40 students in my class, abah gave his lecture all night about him having to struggle to get education. of him going to school shoeless and eating rice with just sauce. all i remember was that it was far from being luxurious. but never did he regret or even slightly complained of how hard for him to be the person he is today.

i grew up in great environment i must say. electricity is just one click away. water flows so fast i need to control it. through his stories, abah taught me humility. his actions makes me want to be a responsible person. he give just enough the luxury that we need. thanks to his long life vision, i don't even need to borrow money to get higher education.

i can't even say how thankful i am to have abah in my life. ya Allah ya rabb, bless him in this life and hereafter, grant him health and happiness, love him as much as he loved his kids.

truly, i'm blessed with loving parents and family.
i thank no other than Allah.

jadi skema jawapan aku pada tahun ni adalah "dah sampai jodoh nanti kahwin la.."
setakat ni diterima dengan tenang, hati terbuka dan kegembiraan oleh pak cik mak cik. tak sangka betul.

i thought of changing default photo to me, mak and abah's photo together.
then i realised i never had one.

we were busy growing up. we forget they were growing old.
happy birthday babe. you know you don't feel like 22 just yet.

currently enjoying tangled yarn with weird needles :)

so i was thinking, what would couples of 10 years differences talk? i mean, seriously, what??
i can go for 3 years tops, be it older or younger. but more than that, it felt pretty weird. like if one talks about some sort of grown up stuff, what would the other replied?

i'm still wondering. and hey, i didn't really remember how did me and partner can actually talk things comfortably like now. like.. what did we do back then?

time might be the answer. might.

salah satu fasa bangang aku adalah kemaruk fangirling kat mat korea dengan jepun masa sekolah-sekolah dulu. biasala. boipren takdak. kepada mat korea la kita jerit. kakakakaka.. siap 1 malam duk layan youtube tengok video yamapi la dbsk la suju la. haish.. manipulated habes.
anyway, aku dah pernah tulis satu post pasal getting over fasa kebangangan tak tentu hala tu kat blog dulu-dulu. dah mula belajar ada pedoman hidup la katakan :B

aku ni kadang-kadang terfikir kenapa aku tak berfikir secara complicated. orang panggil "deep". aku ni tak cukup "deep". baru nak berfikir korek satu perkara, aku dah buat kesimpulan. setakat cukup-cukup je la berfikir. i mean, the answer is always right in front of our nose why think too much of an issue. pi mai pi mang tang tuuu jugak hang pi. nak kata tak berifikir tu tak jugak la. cuma aku suka memudahkan untuk kefahaman sejagat. apa la hai nak fikir jauh-jauh, relate sana relate sini last-last jawapan tak dapat-dapat jugak.

samada aku tak cukup berfikir atau orang lain lebih banyak berfikir.
berfikir pun ada adab dan sandarannya. macam keretapi cuma boleh bergerak kat landasan dia sendiri. kalau pi kat jalanraya jawabnya masuk youtube la esok. berfikir pun macam tu. sandarannya haruslah Al-Quran dan Sunnah. that said, you have to make it your source of answer. well, it is kind of you are thinking and searching for the answer from these sources and keep on thinking. it isn't like finding answer in books. finding it elsewhere is like a train moving on a pavement.

i'm not really good with words. and tonight i don't feel like writing in english anyway hence the mixed language.

Salam Aidilfitri :)

yang seronoknya raya bukan la ketupat, rendang dan mercun.
tapi menganyam sambil berpoyo siapa paling tahu banyak nak menganyam,
isi ketupat dengan 10 fatwa,
prepare lauk sambil bergosip,
sembang-sembang merepek malam raya bersama sepupu,
main bunga api dengan mercun beramai-ramai.

aku baru faham.
getting together with family. i'd miss that.

.kemusykilan yang nyata.

1. muka serupa ramai manusia. lebih ramai dari purata kesamaan muka.
mungkin kerana cermin mata tapi semenjak asasi lagi ramai yang menyatakan muka aku iras-iras/sejibijik kawan/sedara mereka. paling secret admire adalah bila member ofis lama akak ipar aku merangkap senior course aku menyatakan pada akak ipar bahawa aku serupa kawan poli beliau. oh bila cerita macam ni tak rasa secret admire la pulak ehe :3 . kisah sebenarnya ......

2. geng bersembang mak cik-mak cik.
ini sampai ke hari ni masih menjadi kemusykilan pada aku. mereka yang berpangkat mak cik atau nenek agak suka tegur/berceloteh kepadaku/denganku. jadi semalam aku menyatakan persoalan ini pada mak. mak bilang, mungkin sebab muka aku yang macam budak sekolah membuatkan mereka suka tegur aku. mak turut menambah bahawa beliau pun suka tegur budak-budak (macam "kamu sekolah tingkatan berapa?kat mana?ape ke?"). benarkah? masalahnya kadang-kadang dorang sembang dengan aku macam member. adakah aku ni attract mak cik-mak cik gossip? gahahaha.

aku menikmati kedua-dua point ini. anggap muka serupa ramai orang sebagai anugerah sebab bila diorang rindu, boleh rasa macam orang tu dekat je dengan dia (aku sebagai ganti orang yang mereka rindu). untuk mak cik- mak cik, well, layan je lah apa diorang cakap. i don't mind at all. ;)

i started blogging in public (a.k.a perasan konon-konon orang baca) since 16. back then me and a few schoolmates exchanged links and share the high school drama in blogs. well.. high school really is a drama. i become silent reader for a lot of blogs. mostly because of nosiness issues. gehehe.

most of them have stopped writing now. getting matured perhaps. or maybe they have other blogs (not that i know of). i'm one of the last few who still post things up. except that i've recently (finally!!) change the link.

i enjoy writing. but i'm not that good. i know i can be better but it's going to cost me breaking up hypothetically many walls i've been building. it isn't that easy. sometimes i feel insecure thinking of what others' impression of what i jot here. i just felt naked knowing others know more than i'd tell them in real life. more naked than getting naked.

anynynynywayyy, this thing called writing, maybe it's just a passion. to experiment pompous words i've came across while trying to put my thought into words. i hope it's working. i do want to write in very vocabularised Malay and brush up my grandma tongue (jowo) but well...