so, it's the second week, 8th day. i made mistake. actually, the mistake was day 7 but i only realize it today. ekeke. i guess i'm gonna use the "i'm a practical student card" tomorrow. hihihihi. i bet it's because i felt a little bit riya' today. astaghfirullahal'azim.. :(
Alhamdulillah Allah reminded me in such a nice way. it was a careless mistake. an honest one too. it isn't so big but pretty much time consuming. so next time, be careful! >.<

on the other hand, it's raining today Alhamdulillah. and kakak is now in labour room. it was raining too last week when abang's daughter was born. so right now, we're praying as much as we could, hoping Allah would ease kakak to deliver her baby. going to visit her after maghrib insya Allah.

there you go. eventful evening i must say. it was a fine day. i did the task given happily (mostly because i could watch movies while doing it, without feeling much guilt. hehehe). my supervisor gave me enough work for one week! but with the other person's help (mostly because he didn't want to ask for any tasks from his supervisor and cause my task is pretty easy), i think i could finish it on Friday insya Allah. i'm sort of my supervisor's secretary pulak. he usually goes "(my name)! tolong fotostat ni satu." pulak tu meja dia memang menghadap aku. kalau aku free memang obvious betul. tsk tsk..

so, to no mistakes tomorrow! (amiinnn)

akhirnya ....
aku dah siap lipat 2 bakul baju yg dah almost 2 bulan tak berlipat (cuma kluar masuk balik bakul tu pasal dah pakai semula)
dah tukar lapik tilam yang dah setahun kot tak tukar
siap lap habuk tepi-tepi katil
besok nak basuh semua benda yang dah lama patut dibasuh


ahhhh.. terasa lebih hidup begini berbanding 5 hari yang baru aku lalui
dan 5 hari minggu depan

partner says it's still too early. mungkin betul la dia cakap.
so ... i'll give it 2 months. 3 at most.

so, my first week of internship has gone by slowly. very slowly. first day was filled with much nervous and awkward stares. like my God, i just wanna go away from there :(

but the environment is pretty nice. small company, big hearted staffs. total of 8 staffs including me and another practical student. cukuplah untuk 5 bulan. haha. interior design was so-so. company aku pegi interview haritu lagi la nauzubillah interiornya yang dari tahun 80an ke apa. ekeke. company melayu jadiknya cara kerja pun melayu je la. no rushing, no competing. a lot of lazing around time. perhaps it's cause there's no new job la i think. but there's two of them who're always not around. and one of them is my supervisor. oh did i tell you there's actually quite a number of male workers? i thought there's gonna be a lot of woman. maybe women who take up this course decided to go other ways. i'm already feeling it.

anyway, since there's not many people around there, i could remeber the names in less than a day. good thing la. besides, i found the other practical student's twitter account about a day before. haha. so i call everyone much older than me abang and kak. at first it felt very awkward so cause well you know, kadang-kadang orang berabang-abang ni mengada-ngada lebih. yelah dah kita ni muda remaja lagik lepas tu baru lagi tuh kan. tapi disebabkan sorang perempuan yg part time tu pun berabang-abang jugak so kiranya aku follow the flow je lah. masih geli tapi takpe lah. lenkali kalau dapat keje kita terus mulakan dengan encik dan puan ye adik-adik semua.

not sure whether it's because they've been working together for quite a long time or cause it's a small firm, everyone (yg tua sikit la) is quite close with each other. i'm still adjusting and learning to talk to adults. well i'm pretty much in the range of adult age la but i'm not there yet. ekekeke. i'm doing pretty much a lot of clerical works. i'm hoping to get more qs-ing stuff to do next week onwards. i mean, just enough la. don't want to be like my friends having to ot much. for goodness sake it's freaking practical period. huahuahua.

one of the abang there is quite mesra and talkative when he's not busy. it's nice la cause it makes me feel less awkward. one kakak is the admin and quite talkative. also mesra. another kakak and abang are less reactive. quiet much. and these two are the senior qs there. mungkin senior qs memang begini? ekeke. others were quite young. one is probably in his thirties, one is 2 years older than me and another is the same age as me. i've only talk very little with the boss. twice.

but thinking of it again, i can't depend on the environment in terms of growing. i mean, experience wise is okay but knowledge wise, i think i'm gonna have to find ways to work it out.

insya Allah.

time after time

it was rather a stressful evening. we were on our way back. soon after getting out of one after another traffic, we were stuck and had nowhere to go. me at the back, them both in front. the prayer time almost end. i had gone through twitter several times and God knows why internet was almost nowhere to be found. i was silent but they weren't. opinions, opinion and lots of opinions i had to hear.

i was devastated. i know they were too. the drama on tv, they are real. well, almost. it's not like they don't accept the fact, it's just that, you wish things were different. you wish it'll go they way you wanted. well i wouldn't blame them. they've lived longer and much more matured than any of us do. but having to hear it, in the middle of traffic when each one of us just wanna go straight back home and lie on our bed, is the last thing i wanna do.

i wish we are all four. because four is the age you'll be the most honest you could ever be. well, we should be four and tell each and everything we didn't say in front of each other. be four. be honest.

sigh.

i know what went wrong. it's the time. the thing we should've done at that time.

i'll pray for the best. for everyone's best.
i'm sorry. i got a little emotional tonight hence the post.
:'(

sometimes, well, a lot of time, i wish i stay four. because then, i didn't know as much as i do now.


this is the what-have-i-done post. inspired by dr halina.
wassalam.

i find that those cheesy romantic movies, dr phil, men vs women debates aren't solving relationship problems. for some, yes they do help in putting me into perspectives or help me realize the wrong things i do. but thing is, i am the one in that system, and i am the one making the decision. hence, i choose to follow my heart, in which it comes with full (or at least some) senses and of course praying that it is guided by Allah s.w.t.

well, i leave everything to Allah cause He's watching over me, every minute, every breath, every second. He knows me more than anyone, not even myself.

when i read the love and relationship problems in forum (don't blame me. i'm in my idle mood hihihi), i find that, for some, they lack in trust in Allah. not that they don't trust Him but it's just not fully tawakkal'alallah. i was like them too. back then i mean. and the things they asked, i mean, for me you can work it out yourself. having a third point of view is good but not to depend on it. we, the readers, do not know your relationship as much as you do. and we are not in your shoes, hence, it's you yourself who is going to evaluate it.

so please, learn to leave it to Allah. this might be the way God is calling for you.

you know what
you're sad and lonely.
that's it.

out and about.
puking sunshine and rain.
oh rain, i missed you.

enjoying my escapism.
:)

dulu teacher wei pernah cakap kat aku "result kamu ni macam saham. turun naik turun naik."
aku rasa aku memang maintain lah macam tu sampai sekarang. hehe. i don't know what's wrong either. i don't know where did my motivation and enthusiasm go. mr chong was right. what i'm lacking is enthusiasm. hence the never ending procrastination problem. aku rasa aku ada satu lagi problem lah. afraid of getting the centre of attention. it's like, i tend to drawback when i felt like i'm getting a little too much attention. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing :/

so my 2014 resolutions :

do everything lillahita'ala
to keep moving forward
drop the mazmumah
pactice the mahmudah
that said, stop procrastinating!

and they shall be my resolution for the years to come insya Allah.

haritu kat kepsi aku belajar sesuatu yg bermakna.

ceritanya dalam 10 minit je. tapi aku nak panjangkan la. hikhikhik.
sebenarnya aku tak makan dari tengah hari pasal malas nak masak. pastu petang, menurut perintah ke tesco. ahh malas! malas drive! aku dah la tengah dalam fasa trauma nak bawak kete. tapi sebab mak punya malas nak drive tu lagi banyak dari aku, aku redho je lah akhirnya. punye selow aku bawak. wakakaka. biar la asal kami selamat :B

pastu, sepanjang masa aku teringin sangat la nak makan cheesy wedges. tapi sebab aku malas nak beratur dan tunggu cheesy wedges siap (kan dia selalu cakap "boleh tunggu sekejap?") maka aku redho je lah beli dunkin donut. ni aku memang dah lapar tahap lembik ni. lepas tu tibe-tibe mak cakap "eh mak nak makan kepsi tu la ape tu nama yg balut2 tu?" aku menjawab "wrap wrap tu. dah takde la. dia kejap je dulu." mak meneruskan "alah mak lapar la. belikan la wedges wedges."

setelah meninjau kepsi yg ramai pulak org beratur time tu dan sekali lagi bertarung dengan kemalasan nak menunggu, aku redho je lah pegi beratur. masa tu 2 kaunter je bukak. dedua line ada 3 org. jadiknye kalau aku beratur mana-mana pun sama je lah. aku beratur line kiri. pastu tibe-tibe mamat kat line kanan ni blah pegi kat meja. aku pun berfikir "eh eh org ni tanak order ke? klau aku tak amik tempat dia kang orang lain amik yedakk?" maka terus dgn selamber tukar line. dalam seminit lepas tu mamat tu datang balik. dia tengok-tengok jugak aku tapi dia redho je lah beratur line sebelah amik tempat aku tadi. lepas tu datang la jimbo baik bisik kepada aku "haihh.. kesian pulak dia ni dah beratur dari tadi aku amik tempat dia."
jimbo jahat berkata "tapi dia yg dah blah tadi so bukan salah aku la."
jimbo baik meneruskan bicara "alaa kesian la.. dia pegi kejap je pun. bagi je la balik tempat dia."
last-last jimbo baik menang. aku pun give up je la tempat tu kat dia. tapi dia tanak la mula-mula tapi aku suruh je la dia beratur situ. aku redho je la beratur kat kiri balik. lepas tu, line kanan tu pun dah bergerak. aku pikir jugak, kalau aku jadik org lain yg menengok mungkin fikir "eh ngok pulak engko ni pegi bagi balik tempat kat dia siapa suruh.kan dah kena tunggu lama sikit." tapi hurmm. biarlah. dah la dia pun tgh beratur untuk anak bini dia.

pastu secara tak semena-mena kaunter ketiga bukak. gadis itu bagi isyarat suruh datang pastu aku pun perasan sorang-sorang la isyarat tu untuk aku. pastu orang lain tak gerak. aku gerak je la pegi kaunter tu. maka akhirnya dapat la cheesy wedges yang diidamkan sepanjang petang. hehehe. dah siap-siap buat pulak tu takyah la "boleh tunggu sekejap?". maka aku pun berlalu.

nak kata sebenarnya kadang-kadang benda yg kita buat tu mula-mula kena la lillahita'ala. lepas tu, kdg2 kita betul-betul tak berniat untuk dapat benda yang akhirnya untuk benefit kita maka perbuatan kita nampak macam melepaskan rezeki. tapi percayalah pada rezeki Allah yg tak pernah salah alamat. sekarang terlepas, akan datang dia datang balik. kalau bukan dia bukan mungkin yang lain.

aku overthinking sangat ni =.=