i envy my peers who had the opportunity to travel the world, explore the nature, enjoy a lot of time with friends and whatnot. i really do. tipulah kalau aku kata aku tak teringin jugak.
but learning about priorities and measuring shirt at my own body (ukur baju di badan sendiri kehkehkeh), aku tau aku tak boleh nak suka hati pergi. i have to consider mak and pak (well considering now that i can gain a lot of pahala by treating them well enough and they are still the ones who bears my sins and responsible of me) and my own finances. yelah. tak keje lagi. segan lah nak mintak duit mak bapak. cukuplah diorang dah sponser trip melbeng tahun lepas dengan bayar yuran serta tanggung makan minum aku dari kecik. i'm more than grateful for that Alhamdulillah..

i know that Allah is the Most Fair. i believe it with all my heart soul. hence, i may have not been able to explore as much as my peers but if i pray good and as much, i believe He'll replace the joy i missed with something better biiznillah. and for now until forever when i see joy of exploring i missed, i'll keep on praying that He will guide me to do other stuff that will improve myself and gain my reward hence increase my rank in jannah. like, well, i don't know lah. i mean, some people had to leave all the fun dunya stuff in order to nurse their parents. some had to let go of big dunya reward considering they had to take care of their child. masya Allah.. they must've special place in jannah, no?

so all you guys out there who are in somewhat similar shoes with me, don't fret. yes it's true that you'll learn much more when you go out and set yourself free. however some things just happen beyond our control no matter how much we try to get over it. let's keep on praying that someday, some better days, Allah will let us get the same kind of experience when the right time comes. in this world or hereafter insya Allah.