things work differently for different people.

ada yang kahwin awal, 10 tahun lepastu baru dapat anak.
ada yang lambat kahwin, lepas kahwin terus rezeki dapat anak.

ada yang habis belajar kat uni awal, dah bertahun pun tak dapat kerja lagi.
ada yang lambat habis belajar kat uni, tapi sebelum habis pun dah dapat kerja.

ada yang kerja gaji tinggi, tapi banyak masa untuk keluarga dan diri sendiri kena korbankan.
ada yang kerja gaji rendah atau sedang-sedang, tapi pergi balik kerja tak stress.

ada yang kahwin lambat, mak ayah panjang umur so dapat berbakti lama sikit dengan mak ayah.
ada yang kahwin lambat, dapat travel ke macam-macam tempat dan berbakti pada masyarakat.

ada yang kahwin awal, dapat anak berderet, comel-comel pulak tu.
ada yang kahwin awal, tak dapat anak tapi bisnes kencang.

semuanya rezeki.
marilah buat senarai kesyukuran.

aku terbaca kat fb my ex teacher dulu, in her 40s i believe. dia habaq "dulu aku selalu doa mintak macam-macam. nak itu nak ini je. tapi sekarang dalam doa aku cuma nak bersyukur je dengan apa yang aku ada." aku translate la ni sebab dia skiping inglish.

sebanyak banyaknya kata-kata ni menampar-nampar aku. because i was once a fool for not being thankful with everything that i have. what's with the stable income, living with my parents and some saving. many weren't able to get that combination. and still, it made me more far from being thankful. hence why i decided to let go of some of them. and i believe that even now it doesn't seem like something that i'd really like, these conditions are really what i needed. and it is for my own good. walaupun aku belum betul-betul nampak sinaran pengajarannya tapi sedikit sebanyak aku dapat rasakan. rasssssa gitu. hehehe.

it's been a month.

instead of saving the world (mine, actually), i'm still stuck here going nowhere. what was initially planned months ago did so not happened. in the end i withdrew myself. i decided not to go. i choose the way where i  do not need to explain so much to anyone around me. particularly around me.

perhaps God put them around me now for this reason. the reason is to show that i shouldn't go that way.
or perhaps i'm blaming God for not taking this path. perhaps trying to find some comfort by blaming God? maybe...

i'm reminiscing a lot these past few days. most of which related to the last trip on April. perhaps i'm looking for an escapism. and you, you might've been my perfect escapism. and that is why i've been looking out for you in my mind. and i really really don't like it. it's been more than a month, and out of all trips i took recently, you've been sticking on my mind a lot lately. perhaps i should start making du'a to get you out of my mind.

heaven must be really nice. to die for. well literally we need to die first before getting into one.

and maybe rather than looking for an escapism, i should've been more redha with what i have now. redha dengan perkara-perkara rawak yang memang lain dari apa yang aku nak. dan mungkin utk hampir 2 tahun kebelakangan ni aku gagal untuk redha.

redha.