it's been a month.

instead of saving the world (mine, actually), i'm still stuck here going nowhere. what was initially planned months ago did so not happened. in the end i withdrew myself. i decided not to go. i choose the way where i  do not need to explain so much to anyone around me. particularly around me.

perhaps God put them around me now for this reason. the reason is to show that i shouldn't go that way.
or perhaps i'm blaming God for not taking this path. perhaps trying to find some comfort by blaming God? maybe...

i'm reminiscing a lot these past few days. most of which related to the last trip on April. perhaps i'm looking for an escapism. and you, you might've been my perfect escapism. and that is why i've been looking out for you in my mind. and i really really don't like it. it's been more than a month, and out of all trips i took recently, you've been sticking on my mind a lot lately. perhaps i should start making du'a to get you out of my mind.

heaven must be really nice. to die for. well literally we need to die first before getting into one.

and maybe rather than looking for an escapism, i should've been more redha with what i have now. redha dengan perkara-perkara rawak yang memang lain dari apa yang aku nak. dan mungkin utk hampir 2 tahun kebelakangan ni aku gagal untuk redha.

redha.