Alhamdulillah bertemu lagi kita dengan bulan Ramadhan tahun ni. makin tahun makin memberi makna yang lebih mendalam..

tapiiiiiiii, Ramadhan tahun ni beza sikit. sungguh, paling tak pernah aku bayangkan. i even said that i'd never doing it this way but here i am. Allah sure got unique plans for each of us kan.. huhuhu..

tak terfikir dan tak terasa pun lainnya tu sampai la hari ketiga Ramadhan. dalam suasana tak berapa nak hening. duduk bertiga semeja. aku bawak keluar bekal puding roti. azan. makan. masa makan tuh, dia punya feeling tu, fuh. syahdu beb. hahaha.. last berbuka dengan kawan pun masa first year dulu sebelum cuti sem tukar untuk synchronize dengan summer break. weiii rasa dia syahdu takleh nak cakap. macam masatu baru rasa. aku tak pernah langsung fikir aku akan berbuka dengan senario ni. lepasty syahdu gila tahun ni ramadhan kena kongsi fokus dengan perihal duniawi. aku macam, alaaa sayangnyaaa. and now already 21st Ramadhan. 20 hari tu aku syahdu je feeling kena kongsi dengan hal duniawi padahal aku tetap berfokus pada Ramadhan ehehehehe. except for 2 nights each week. hari siang tu cam biasa je hehehe.

now dah 3 minggu aku rasa macam cuti dah. i need to get my shizz together and move ma ass to complete some works. last year aku demotivated tEr0xX after midsem dan aku macam ni lah, khayal je hahaha. this sem tak demotivated seteruk tu tapiiiiii feeling nak fokus Ramadhan tuuu.. terus hilang pace. huhuhu... i blame nothing & no one else but me. next week dah final week dah. fuh it sure flies by so fast!! i really am not sure whether i'm gonna make it this time...

ahh.. senanye aku nak bebel pasal sorang ni aku folo medsos dia. dah hilang mood pula hahaaha. aku rasa kena masuk gua balik la minggu depan sampai siapppp kerja. youtube boleh masuk sekali tak? aku ni medsos boleh deactivate tapi lepastu bukak youtube hahahaha haukk betul.

anyway, just wanna say that i love my country and i love being a Malaysian!! u guys yang dah duk luar dah duk oversea sedap-sedap tu kalau rasa negara u guys duduk tu best sangat, duduk je la situ diam-diam eh takyah la nak merendahkan negara yang secara bertulisnya adalah negara warganegara u guys tapi u guys tak duduk negara tersebut pun. kalau rasa u guys dah tak Malaysian, sila la tukar je warganegara u guys tu. habis cerita. lepastu u guys nak kutuk pun sukati u guys la sebab u guys are not part of us anymore. babaii~

rasa macam tak lepas je kali ni. not sure how many times have i thought of giving up. again and again but here i am, barely able to survive this road i took. ada 2 kegagalan menanti tapi kita bersedia je lah untuk gagal kali ni. nak berharap pun nanti penat nak belajar move on dengan kesilapan sendiri. i really miss having partner at times like this. i always do but times like this is special. someone who'd be willing to hear me rant. Allah has blessed me with someone before. i am thankful for the time He let me had my way. now i just want to let it all go and live according to His way. aku dah taknak apa-apa lagi. aku harap kekal macam ni sampai meninggal & bertemu Tuhan.

aku dah mula nak masuk fasa kesedihan balik. mungkin ni rutin tahunan. sampai la aku jumpa apa pengajaran Allah nak suruh aku belajar...

 aku sebenarnya tengah tunggu nak transfer segala benda dalam fon ni ke komputer. penat la nak marah sorang-sorang sebab tak tau punca malware memanjang. dah berbulan ni. malas sebenarnya sebab banyak sangat barang dalam fon hahaha. mungkin ni permulaan Ramadhan untuk aku. have a clean phone. aci tak?

anyway aku ada lagi 2 esemen write up dan 1 correction nak kena buat. aku sedih sebenarnya Ramadhan kali ni kena kongsi fokus dengan komitmen duniawi. tapi tulah. dah aku pilih jalan ni. kena belajar untuk adjust & adapt la nampaknya. serius sedih..

tapi dalam masa yang sama aku sangat bersyukur sebab 2 malam pertama Allah bagi chance aku solat terawikh full. Dia je tau betapa rindunya aku nak solat jemaah after work but due to commitment i choose, i just didn't do it. aku tak rasa ada perkataan yang mampu gambarkan perasaan aku ni. just.. feeling blessed being able to do it.. and feeling blessed for being able to feel blessed.

ahhhh. me ranting as usual. fikir-fikir balik, kadang-kadang tu datang jugak rasa sunyi bersendiri. ada hari datang la berangan nak jumpa someone kita nak panggil baby saiyaaaang ke. haha. tapi makin hari aku makin belajar untuk jadi "terbiasa". aku belajar untuk enjoy momen-momen aku berkeinginan. dan akhirnya aku belajar untuk lepaskan je la perasaan aku. di umur ni, nak mencari jodoh bukan benda yang senang-senang. unlike 10 years ago when i was more open and eager to meet someone new. and had the energy haha. now i have baggage. i don't want a lot of things. i tend to cancel people out so easily and early. is it a good or bad thing? entahlah.

ah. phone transfer done. nak reformat. and new life tomorrow. haha taklah.
saying goodbye to toon blast. you've been a great companion until i was bored with you. thank you toon blast. thank you memories. i shall move on a little now.

Alhamdulillah presentation berjalan dengan lancar. hihihihhi.. walaupun i crap a lot but it was fine lah.. present.. not reading from slides okay...

just want to share this story.. tiba-tiba teringat cerita dalam 8 ke 9 tahun lepas. aku ada sorang childhood friend ni yang sama tadika & sama sekolah rendah sampai darjah 1. darjah 2 pindah & lost contact terus. throughout friendster & facebook aku cuba cari dia but faileddd. entah berapa kali cuba cari dan fail sefail failnye.

one night i dream of this friend. aku tak ingat secara detail tapi seingat aku, she was crying in my dream. macam dia terseksa gituh. crying for help. so lepas bangun aku pun cuba la sekali lagi search fb dia and guess what.. i finally found her! subhanallah. after all those years and trying to locate her online. aaaaand guess whatttt.. dia sebenarnya friend dengan kawan-kawan aku & punya la banyak kali aku nampak profile dia and punya la signifikannya kewujudan dia dalam circle kawan-kawan aku selama sebelum tu huahuahuaaaa.. actually ada back story hehehe but all good now.

i contacted her and sent friend request. reconnected and went to her wedding years after. she seems happy & of course i'm happy to see her happy. i never asked about the dream i had then and i have no idea if there's any reason to it. kalau ada pun, i hope that it's for good one.. like to push me to find her.

oh did i mentioned about my cheeky classmate? he's really something. he so remind me of my younger cheerful, no responsibility self. i think my friends can relate. dengan dia mintak ig lekcerer kan. hahahaha.. even my classmates enjoyed his presence. if he's a little older & a little more matured mungkin aku dag ngorat dia. but yeah. feeling died now. not sure when will it come back but i'll enjoy whatever i have while it lasts...

salam ramadhan. moga Ramadhan tahun ni lebih baik dari sebelumnya..