rasa macam tak lepas je kali ni. not sure how many times have i thought of giving up. again and again but here i am, barely able to survive this road i took. ada 2 kegagalan menanti tapi kita bersedia je lah untuk gagal kali ni. nak berharap pun nanti penat nak belajar move on dengan kesilapan sendiri. i really miss having partner at times like this. i always do but times like this is special. someone who'd be willing to hear me rant. Allah has blessed me with someone before. i am thankful for the time He let me had my way. now i just want to let it all go and live according to His way. aku dah taknak apa-apa lagi. aku harap kekal macam ni sampai meninggal & bertemu Tuhan.

aku dah mula nak masuk fasa kesedihan balik. mungkin ni rutin tahunan. sampai la aku jumpa apa pengajaran Allah nak suruh aku belajar...

 aku sebenarnya tengah tunggu nak transfer segala benda dalam fon ni ke komputer. penat la nak marah sorang-sorang sebab tak tau punca malware memanjang. dah berbulan ni. malas sebenarnya sebab banyak sangat barang dalam fon hahaha. mungkin ni permulaan Ramadhan untuk aku. have a clean phone. aci tak?

anyway aku ada lagi 2 esemen write up dan 1 correction nak kena buat. aku sedih sebenarnya Ramadhan kali ni kena kongsi fokus dengan komitmen duniawi. tapi tulah. dah aku pilih jalan ni. kena belajar untuk adjust & adapt la nampaknya. serius sedih..

tapi dalam masa yang sama aku sangat bersyukur sebab 2 malam pertama Allah bagi chance aku solat terawikh full. Dia je tau betapa rindunya aku nak solat jemaah after work but due to commitment i choose, i just didn't do it. aku tak rasa ada perkataan yang mampu gambarkan perasaan aku ni. just.. feeling blessed being able to do it.. and feeling blessed for being able to feel blessed.

ahhhh. me ranting as usual. fikir-fikir balik, kadang-kadang tu datang jugak rasa sunyi bersendiri. ada hari datang la berangan nak jumpa someone kita nak panggil baby saiyaaaang ke. haha. tapi makin hari aku makin belajar untuk jadi "terbiasa". aku belajar untuk enjoy momen-momen aku berkeinginan. dan akhirnya aku belajar untuk lepaskan je la perasaan aku. di umur ni, nak mencari jodoh bukan benda yang senang-senang. unlike 10 years ago when i was more open and eager to meet someone new. and had the energy haha. now i have baggage. i don't want a lot of things. i tend to cancel people out so easily and early. is it a good or bad thing? entahlah.

ah. phone transfer done. nak reformat. and new life tomorrow. haha taklah.
saying goodbye to toon blast. you've been a great companion until i was bored with you. thank you toon blast. thank you memories. i shall move on a little now.