i made a very very very stupid mistake today. hate myself for that. hate the fact i'm too careless! in fact, i've been so careless every single day! it's not that i really want to be one. i'm trying hard to be careful but fast. what's with my project partner is sort of.. well i don't know if it's just me or things are not so good between us. i don't know why at times he screams at me. it's like, he's been talking and laughing with others and when it comes to me he gets all serious and angry. perhaps i'm the boring one. yes that angry tone. like at times he screams at me. and of course i feel stupid. so stupid stupid stupid stupid. i'm slow. i'm careless. well he's not at fault. i am. i admit that i am. and the others, they were nice too. i am the one who's still too shy. i mean, my free spirited side is still active. they talk about grown up stuff. married couples stuff. while i'm left there hanging. hence the strong attraction towards the bachelorette group. we're about the same age you know. although two are either two years younger or older, we could still have that small talks together. and all those family troop, well i'm trying to avoid them as much as i could. what's with the camera above my head and the weird manager. and i still have no idea whether they're all good together or just struggling to put up with each other. and some days i go home, i have to go through "getting patience course".

i'm sorry i just had to rant all these out. i'm just really really really mentally tired. it's been a month. and every single time i go, i'm struggling to tell myself not to quit now.

you know what, one year seems too far now.