jumaat lepas pergi kenduri nikah kawan akak. kat dewan yang cantek dah mcm sanding punyer majlis. since kitorang lambat so kena duduk meja blakang. it was fine sebab kita tiga orang je duk situ.

then come a bunch of... kids. umur dalam lingkungan 7-15 tahun. one of them being smart ass was talking all the time about bits and pieces of current... stuff. like all. the. time. yang lain respond la pasal game and using i i i i. lepastu ada sorang makcik ni duk tanya-tanya hal akdemik. then comes a niqabist who talk nonstop wit that aunt. akak dah langgar-langgar kaki aku. i had to restrain myself from making fun of them. i do feel bad for a sec though. but really... how can you let it slide without making a few puns? hehehehehe. yeah yeah i wasn't the smartest kid in school.

and i can't resist till the end. had to say something to my sister. just to let it out of my chest. and for a short laugh. hehehehe. kids...

and today i realised that i haven't been talking or even thinking about getting married for quite a while. probably too much attention on my career and family. and the last post i talked about getting married was january last year! no wonder...

not sure if i'm ready now.. i mean.. i really wasn't mentally ready back then. i'm not even sure if i actually wanted to get married. sometimes i took marriage as an escapism to some of the things i don't want to deal (like ever) and wish for it to come fast. for instance, wanting someone to be my atm machine so i won't need to work anymore, or just anytime i wanna go on holiday and not care about the expenses (my idea of getting married is closely related to money!! haahah!). but most of the time (when i am actually sane, like not emotional at all), i don't think i'm inclined to the idea of getting married just yet. what's with the taking care of the husband and kids, being away from my family foreverrr, having to provide should the husband couldnt' fully do it though he's given all his best, all the incoming lifetime debt, life-changing stuff like omg it's much more than the list of why i wanna get married hahaha. the feeling is just not there anymore. not like how it used to be. i hope it'll come back some day. new phase kinda stuff.

perhaps the fact that i recently imagining the meaning of "completing half of the deen" and, by the mercy of Allah, understand it. and perhaps i should purify my intention to the right reason for getting married. still couldn't install it in my heart that getting married equals to completing half the deen. still more focused on the worldly aspects of it.

don't worry. it's not gonna be this year. not even know when.