.unspoken.

today while scrolling instagram, i found 2 posts next to each other quoting "which favour of your Lord will you deny?"

while studying, i thought i'd get married right after graduation.
when i actually graduate, i thought i'd be working for a while, then get married, then be a homemaker.
when i actually worked, i thought i'd need to continue to work even if i get married, for a whole lot of reasons.
then i resigned.
i thought i'd be doing some less stressful job by now, not making much money but more content at heart.

back back then, i thought i'd be married by now, holding my child and only be thinking of taking care of my family, not thinking of working at all. i thought the idea of being a fulltime homemaker was fixed.

till date, my life, has so far, gone not according to what i imagine.

i've been planning, re-planning, and keep on re-planning. i've been dreaming, re-dreaming, and keep on re-dreaming. i won't lie. it's like, you cannot stop a kid from being curious and wanting to try everything in front of them.

i know for a fact that life doesn't go according to how we want it to but it will eventually work out just fine. but  giving up dreams, redha and being just content with what Allah has been blessing me with, is more than .... words. or.. easier said than done.

successful people always give quote saying such things like never stop dreaming, you're almost there yadda yadda yadda. it always felt less practical to me. i'm not grouped as successful people anyway. haha.

i have decided to give up my dreams and stop planning. no, it isn't a negative statement. i just want to make full use of whatever i have now, be content and nothing more than that. those over the cloud days will be gone. i slowly stopped looking or searching for the things that made me go beyond imagination. it is not easy. my mind has been stucked on them for some time and i guess, it is a good bye.