wow blog ni dah 4 tahun. satu pencapaian. haha.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

dah banyak kali taip padam taip padam tak jadi2 nak tweet. entah.

in between satu malam yang tiba-tiba kat hospital,
2 malam baby nangis sepanjang malam,
2 siang yang panjang dan merisaukan,
dan aku yang entah ke kiri entah ke kanan.

antara kesyukuran adalah kerja yang tak demanding off office hour macam dulu. setakat ni. haha. Alhamdulillah.

sebenarnya aku pun tak tau nak describe. semuanya laju berlalu. dan aku yang kaku. kau tau perasaan yang takde perasaan? numb. kebas. macam tu lah rasanya. makin kebas, makin mudah rasa nak bergelak ketawa. dan menangis. tanpa rasa. tanpa jiwa.

banyak kali tersinggah dalam fikiran aku. setahun yang lalu dan setahun yang kini. setahun yang tak terjangka mana aku hari ni. who knows i'm an mrt regular now. who knows i'd be working in area i've always wanted to avoid and not hating it as much as i thought i would. haha. who knows i'd feel that not getting married is fine and not just trying to hard to convince myself that it is. it feels so surreal to reflect back on what i had then and now. all praises due to Allah, yang mengatur hidup ini dengan penuh hikmah.

i just realised that when i fall, i fall real hard. i'd give anything and everything and it's only for the one and that one to know. i don't do blind dates. i don't do exchanging numbers and try to see if it's working. i just go serious and straightforward. i guess i knew now why it feels fine. masa baru-baru masuk hari tu ade la persoalan-persoalan status relationship (which is so weird because people don't really asked me before). i guess it's a thing there. declaring one's status. which is weird for me since i don't actually admit to having one before. i guess that trying to preserve it forever is more important than declaring to the world.

sebenarnya aku masih lagi prefer blogger.com/start yang asal berbanding blogger google account ni kbaibai.