remember in the last post i said i've had uncertainties? well guess what. it grows!! hahaha...

i made plan for september which made me go actively seeking for another thing before september starts. also, i have another 2 plans upcoming in september and november. and out of a sudden, something else intervene...which leads me here. hahaha..

anyway, i'm feeling a bit low today. i got the news yesterday and can't stop thinking about it ever since. this is february all over again. an upcoming offer. a very tasty looking opportunity. and a crushed me looking for an exit. it feels different this time. sure it lingers too. but rather than getting all over the cloud, i'm going further deep below 6 feet under real fast. it doesn't felt like a dejavu but seems like one. i've had hunch a week or two ago that i'm gonna do it again while my parents are going away this time. hahaha. i get that hunch though it isn't strong.

i accidentally found a related list. it wasn't a shocked but it was uncalled for. today, i went through the list and saw a familiar name. and the onion me of course contacted the name and voila! i was correct. i also realised the names sound pretty modern. not 2000s modern but modern enough hence they might've been younger than me. and i was right hahahaha.. my source even told me that the others are pretty much strong contenders. told her i felt like a kure-kure and she felt like she's labi-labi. geng. hahaha.. i felt defeated even before starting the war. well it wasn't a war but i haven't been on these kind of competition say...10 years ago!? well... i don't feel like competing. i've been silently competing with myself about one & a half year ago... job hunting... and it was tiring. yet humbling.

right now, i kind of regret telling my parents earlier on lol should've just wait after it happened hahaha.. well.. the usual me..

being mid 20s and moving towards 30, i think, i've grown quite a bit. you know.. you listened to the hard life experienced by those who have succeed.. or the stories from those from old age.. of how they gained wisdom and became who they are today. but it's so different when you experienced it yourself... or see you friends/family going through it...

until now, i've seen family struggling to get up & go on after choosing the path of life he wished.. and got beaten down over and over again. friends got married. divorced. going through a long period of unemployment with no hope of landing a job. and settled for whatever's coming. friends started business and steadily going. friends started business and failed just within a short period of time. friends wanting an exit from their crappy job. lost loved ones...

it's different.. bila ko dengar cerita tu dan ambik pengajaran lepas cerita tu dah selesai dengan ko sama-sama tengok atau lalui cerita tu dari mula sampai entah bila dia akan tamat...

why am i contemplating such things..hahaha.. maybe.. because i'm among the older candidates in the list that made me think things through. i'm not sure whether i'm the oldest or there are other older ones.. but it made me realise that as you get older, you get a little wiser. this isn't something you just learn in class or from reading. it comes from life experience.. and there's only one way to learn it.

live.