hm. janggal lak nak menaip. haha.

hello hello ada stranger baca ke ni? or any friends? :B

i don't remember exactly but i think i was 13 when i started blogging. more like public journal. oh God. can't make it public anymore. hahahaha. best part is, it's still on! hehehehe. no am never gonna share it. it's definitely my sanctuary!! it's more than a decade already and i cherish it so much. dari zaman blogger.com/start okay. aku kenal blog pun through 3R. terus try. oh my 3R so nostalgic >.<". this is the first time ever i'm writing it down in my not so private space.

cuma masalahnya sekarang, email yang aku guna untuk blog tu dah tak pakai tapi takleh tukar email huhuhuhu. takpe lah. i'll use it as long as i can. kalau satu masa nanti Allah kata udah udah ler tu maka udah udah ler aku huhuhuhu..

my life is currently full of uncertainties. but as uncertain as it is, i am actually making plans ahead and now i am not sure whether i can go on with it or not huhuhuhu.. kalau cancel means money burned. kalau jadi means energy burned hard!! hahaha.. i don't know. i'll leave it to Allah.

aku dah tak boleh nak berblog dengan rage macam 10 tahun dulu. i sound old now. i write like an older lady now. i wish i still have that rage like i am 15 but i guess i was only hormonal :P. takpe lah. taip apa yang sempat je la gamaknye.

remember last time aku tulis pasal satu job ni yang aku dah lama aim and aku apply and got a straight not suitable? well guess what. my profile got viewed 3 times this time around!! hahahaha.. but now it makes me wonder. why was my profile being viewed but no calls coming in? i mean, if you don't like it at first sight, you shouldn't view it 3 times you know. or maybe your pc got hang until you clicked my profile the third time? well this sure is worse than a straight rejection. i mean, if i was being rejected than it's easy. i hope, it shattered, i feel devastated, i move on. but this 3 times being viewed is hanging me. are you going to call or not? if not then fine just click not suitable then khalas but do you have to click it 3 times and nothing happened??? overthinking much? wait till you have to wait and a glimpse of hope knocked on your door for a second with no assalamualaikum or goodbye hahahaha merepek ape laaaa. anyway, now i know that being devastated is better than being left hanging.

so... like this question being unanswered, most probably no answer until i receive an email saying the position is now closed, i'm going to gather all these courage that i have left, and embrace it. embrace this one last, probably the biggest now, question i am going to ask him. entah bersedia entah tidak.

tapi daripada entah iya atau tidak, lebih baik kenyataan yang muktamad.

please pray for me.
doakan saya kuat & redha.
moga Allah kurniakan kekuataan & keredhaan buat awak yang mendoakan saya.