you know what
you're sad and lonely.
that's it.

out and about.
puking sunshine and rain.
oh rain, i missed you.

enjoying my escapism.
:)

dulu teacher wei pernah cakap kat aku "result kamu ni macam saham. turun naik turun naik."
aku rasa aku memang maintain lah macam tu sampai sekarang. hehe. i don't know what's wrong either. i don't know where did my motivation and enthusiasm go. mr chong was right. what i'm lacking is enthusiasm. hence the never ending procrastination problem. aku rasa aku ada satu lagi problem lah. afraid of getting the centre of attention. it's like, i tend to drawback when i felt like i'm getting a little too much attention. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing :/

so my 2014 resolutions :

do everything lillahita'ala
to keep moving forward
drop the mazmumah
pactice the mahmudah
that said, stop procrastinating!

and they shall be my resolution for the years to come insya Allah.

haritu kat kepsi aku belajar sesuatu yg bermakna.

ceritanya dalam 10 minit je. tapi aku nak panjangkan la. hikhikhik.
sebenarnya aku tak makan dari tengah hari pasal malas nak masak. pastu petang, menurut perintah ke tesco. ahh malas! malas drive! aku dah la tengah dalam fasa trauma nak bawak kete. tapi sebab mak punya malas nak drive tu lagi banyak dari aku, aku redho je lah akhirnya. punye selow aku bawak. wakakaka. biar la asal kami selamat :B

pastu, sepanjang masa aku teringin sangat la nak makan cheesy wedges. tapi sebab aku malas nak beratur dan tunggu cheesy wedges siap (kan dia selalu cakap "boleh tunggu sekejap?") maka aku redho je lah beli dunkin donut. ni aku memang dah lapar tahap lembik ni. lepas tu tibe-tibe mak cakap "eh mak nak makan kepsi tu la ape tu nama yg balut2 tu?" aku menjawab "wrap wrap tu. dah takde la. dia kejap je dulu." mak meneruskan "alah mak lapar la. belikan la wedges wedges."

setelah meninjau kepsi yg ramai pulak org beratur time tu dan sekali lagi bertarung dengan kemalasan nak menunggu, aku redho je lah pegi beratur. masa tu 2 kaunter je bukak. dedua line ada 3 org. jadiknye kalau aku beratur mana-mana pun sama je lah. aku beratur line kiri. pastu tibe-tibe mamat kat line kanan ni blah pegi kat meja. aku pun berfikir "eh eh org ni tanak order ke? klau aku tak amik tempat dia kang orang lain amik yedakk?" maka terus dgn selamber tukar line. dalam seminit lepas tu mamat tu datang balik. dia tengok-tengok jugak aku tapi dia redho je lah beratur line sebelah amik tempat aku tadi. lepas tu datang la jimbo baik bisik kepada aku "haihh.. kesian pulak dia ni dah beratur dari tadi aku amik tempat dia."
jimbo jahat berkata "tapi dia yg dah blah tadi so bukan salah aku la."
jimbo baik meneruskan bicara "alaa kesian la.. dia pegi kejap je pun. bagi je la balik tempat dia."
last-last jimbo baik menang. aku pun give up je la tempat tu kat dia. tapi dia tanak la mula-mula tapi aku suruh je la dia beratur situ. aku redho je la beratur kat kiri balik. lepas tu, line kanan tu pun dah bergerak. aku pikir jugak, kalau aku jadik org lain yg menengok mungkin fikir "eh ngok pulak engko ni pegi bagi balik tempat kat dia siapa suruh.kan dah kena tunggu lama sikit." tapi hurmm. biarlah. dah la dia pun tgh beratur untuk anak bini dia.

pastu secara tak semena-mena kaunter ketiga bukak. gadis itu bagi isyarat suruh datang pastu aku pun perasan sorang-sorang la isyarat tu untuk aku. pastu orang lain tak gerak. aku gerak je la pegi kaunter tu. maka akhirnya dapat la cheesy wedges yang diidamkan sepanjang petang. hehehe. dah siap-siap buat pulak tu takyah la "boleh tunggu sekejap?". maka aku pun berlalu.

nak kata sebenarnya kadang-kadang benda yg kita buat tu mula-mula kena la lillahita'ala. lepas tu, kdg2 kita betul-betul tak berniat untuk dapat benda yang akhirnya untuk benefit kita maka perbuatan kita nampak macam melepaskan rezeki. tapi percayalah pada rezeki Allah yg tak pernah salah alamat. sekarang terlepas, akan datang dia datang balik. kalau bukan dia bukan mungkin yang lain.

aku overthinking sangat ni =.=

i envy my peers who had the opportunity to travel the world, explore the nature, enjoy a lot of time with friends and whatnot. i really do. tipulah kalau aku kata aku tak teringin jugak.
but learning about priorities and measuring shirt at my own body (ukur baju di badan sendiri kehkehkeh), aku tau aku tak boleh nak suka hati pergi. i have to consider mak and pak (well considering now that i can gain a lot of pahala by treating them well enough and they are still the ones who bears my sins and responsible of me) and my own finances. yelah. tak keje lagi. segan lah nak mintak duit mak bapak. cukuplah diorang dah sponser trip melbeng tahun lepas dengan bayar yuran serta tanggung makan minum aku dari kecik. i'm more than grateful for that Alhamdulillah..

i know that Allah is the Most Fair. i believe it with all my heart soul. hence, i may have not been able to explore as much as my peers but if i pray good and as much, i believe He'll replace the joy i missed with something better biiznillah. and for now until forever when i see joy of exploring i missed, i'll keep on praying that He will guide me to do other stuff that will improve myself and gain my reward hence increase my rank in jannah. like, well, i don't know lah. i mean, some people had to leave all the fun dunya stuff in order to nurse their parents. some had to let go of big dunya reward considering they had to take care of their child. masya Allah.. they must've special place in jannah, no?

so all you guys out there who are in somewhat similar shoes with me, don't fret. yes it's true that you'll learn much more when you go out and set yourself free. however some things just happen beyond our control no matter how much we try to get over it. let's keep on praying that someday, some better days, Allah will let us get the same kind of experience when the right time comes. in this world or hereafter insya Allah.

earlier today i read sheikh waleed's post on investing for yourself in term of reading, skills, trvelling and whatnot.
so, after few days of lazing around at home, ehem, bismillahirrohmanirrohim, i'm going to (finally!!) plan my life. hehe. i know it's a bit too late (or still early for some other..kot?). i still have no idea what it's gonna be. in my mind, i have plenty things to be accomplished in few years time insya Allah. but i need a lot of courage and strong motives to do so. i still don't have a solid plan though. and still ponder upon the few things i'm gonna have to let go.

may Allah guide.

tadi jumpa dengan jaja.
akhirnya. selepas 2 tahun lebih. rindu betul waktu-waktu pasum dulu. sekarang dah bawak haluan masing-masing. paling mengejutkan masa dia cerita nak tunang dulu! fuh. perasaan dia macam break up. wakakaa. ni aku baca kat twitter haritu. ape ntah. tapi ye betul jugak. dah jadi tanggungjawab orang lain, hak orang lain, feeling pun dah lain. tak sangka betul. last aku jumpa dulu, dia baru nak kenal dengan laki dia. next time jumpa dah beranak ke kan. amiiinnnn. walaupun awkward sikit keluar bertiga sebab biasanya berdua... huhuhu.

masing-masing pun dah berubah. lebih matang kot. entahlah. yang pastinya, aku masih belum bersedia nak dengar lawak orang kahwin. dia macam ... krikkrikkrik... kat rumah pun kena dengar lawak orang kahwin. ohmaiiiii.
i'm happy seeing you happy. may Allah bless your marriage till jannah :)